When breastfeeding ends suddenly: A cancer survivors guide to making peace with breastfeeding grief by Laura Lyth
There are lots of reasons breastfeeding may end suddenly. An
unexpected medical emergency, prolonged time apart, or sometimes toddlers
refuse to latch after a nursing strike. Sudden weaning has physical, emotional
and hormonal effects on the mother. If weaning is not something you wanted you
may experience breastfeeding grief, the grief for what could have been, for
what was once there and has now gone. This alongside engorgement, leaky
breasts, painful breasts and a screaming baby isn’t fun.
When my youngest baby was 2.5 years old I was diagnosed with
stage 2B cervical cancer and was told I would have to wean immediately. This on
top of being told I would lose my fertility meant no more breastfeeding again,
ever. This broke my heart. My child adored breastfeeding and to take away his
comfort in a time that was so uncertain for our family felt unfair and almost
cruel.
I explained that evening, “Mummy needs medicine that will
make you sick if you drink boobies". He repeated back, “boobies sick,
boobies all gone", “yes", I cried. I rocked him to sleep that night
as he cried for his milk, I whispered in to his ear while his soft hair stroked
my cheek, “I know sweetheart, it’s hard, it’s not fair. Everything will be
okay, I love you so much”.
Lots of distractions, praise and special cuddles got us
through the coming days and weeks while we weaned. I was surprised by the
strength and resilience of my child. He coped much better than I did and taught
me that we were both stronger than we could have ever imagined.
With time and by talking things over I eventually found some
peace in gratitude, I am so grateful for those 2.5 years I breastfed. There were
plenty of times when I felt frustrated, touched out, irritable, sick and I
wanted to stop. I hear the frustration
of mums whose babies struggle to latch, whose teeth scrape as their latch gets
lazy, whose nipple twiddling acrobatic toddlers drive them crazy. My message to
you is please don’t stop on a bad day, wait another day, another feed, until
your mind is calm and you can make a decision led by choice, not emotions . Breastfeeding
or not, hold your babies close, rock them, cuddle them, you never know when the
last time will be the last time.
If you are struggling with the sudden ending of a
breastfeeding journey please know that this is a perfectly normal response.
Talk to your partner, family or friends. Join a breastfeeding support group,
speak to a doctor or health visitor. Debrief with an IBCLC. Talk it out, let it
out, get it out , breastfeeding grief is real and your feelings are valid. You can also join an online support group on Facebook to meet another mums who may have experienced similar to you.
While my heart will always yearn to feed again the bond and
connection developed though our time breastfeeding didn’t end when
breastfeeding did. It carried us through the fear, through the pain and into
where we are today. 1 year in remission and a 4 year old child whose fond
memories of breastfeeding and words, “it tastes like love", have inspired
me to write my first children’s book, “The Milky Way", dedicated to the
lasting love between a Mother and child formed from their breastfeeding journey.
You can follow Laura's journey and the publication of her breastfeeding book on Instagram and you can find her amazing book for sale on Amazon
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I welled up when I read this (whilst breast feeding my newborn). I'm tandem feeding him and his sister, who has just turned 2. It's a lot, but it doesn't feel right to wean his older sister when she's going through such a huge life change. Your words have helped me strengthen my resolve to keep going.
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